John Roberts, YOU'VE BEEN WARNED...

There's a certain news anchor out there who just lights up our lives.

She's got everything one could want in a woman: style...class...Nepalese heritage.  Her name means "ray of light" in Sanskrit, for garsh sakes.  Her luminous smile is matched only by her perfectly done "do," framing her face like a....like a.....a really nice picture frame frames a picture.  Of a face.

Kiran "News with a sparkle" Chetry
Photo by mroach via Creative Commons

The woman I speak of, of course, is the one-and-only, Kiran Chetry.

And while she DOES hail from Fox and Friends, we're willing to overlook that little blip in her record because she partakes in activities like dressing up as Lara Croft for Halloween and riding a pogo stick in high heels (fer reals, y'all...that is not just a personal fantasy.  Well, ok, to clarify, it IS a personal fantasy.  But it also happened.  Fer reals.).

This news-delivering angel from heaven deserves our admiration and respect.  And I will NOT stand idly by while some wacky tie-wearing, poorly-coiffed pseudo-pundit disrespects her on live television!  Yes, that's right, I'm talking about YOU, John Roberts of CNN's popular morning news program American Morning.  For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, please watch the following clip (and try your best not to backslap your computer screen at about 0:39 seconds in...**lip-curled snarl**):



**GASP!**  Sir, I bite my thumb at thee!  How darest thou?  HOW DAREST?!  I don't care if Kiran was performing twisting backflips in the nude with a flaming baton in her mouth...handle it OFF THE AIR, ROBERTS.  You're a professional, damn it.  You don't hear Kiran making mid-segment, on-the-air comments to you about your baffling shirt/tie pattern combination choices, do you? (on that note, the last time I stared at you for longer than 5 seconds, a 3D sailboat popped out from your chest).

John Roberts, while I was, admittedly, not a huge fan of yours before now, this incident has truly marred our viewer-anchor relationship, taking it past the point of possible restoration.  I can't even look at you without seeing the visage of Kiran's scared, wide-eyed expression ...like a kitten...a poor defenseless kitten...who was just trying to lap up some spilled milk in a back alley next to a fine Italian restaurant when a fierce-looking chef, moustachioed like Snidely Whiplash, bursts out the backdoor and yells at it to 'scram!!' (I don't speak Italian, but I do believe "scram" loosely translates to "time for kitten kabobs!").

Maybe you had a poor night's sleep.  Maybe your Labor Day vacation was rudely interrupted by an ill-timed phone call from the "I Love Stiff On-Air Banter" fan club.  Maybe you're sick and tired of picking out pillow shams and other registry items with fiancee and fellow-CNN anchor Kyra Phillips (ok, THAT I can understand...in fact, if you ever just want to let off some steam, I'm here for you, bruh).  But, c'mon, who do you think you are...Christian Bale?  And, no, you may not draw comparisons from the fact that you both speak in different accents, on camera, from your native tongues, Mr. Once-Canadian.  Until you don a Batman cowl and attempt to save the world from the forces of evil, you may NOT draw attention to our beloved Ms. Chetry's distracting behavior until the next commercial break.

Poor taste, sir.  Poor taste. **giving a thumbs down**