AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!

IF I AM CAUGHT DRIVING BEHIND ONE MORE FREAKIN' MORON WHO'S NOT GOING THE SPEED LIMIT AND WAVERING BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN THE LINES LIKE LINDSAY LOHAN ON A TUESDAY NIGHT, ONLY TO LATER FIND OUT THEY WERE ON THEIR FREAKIN' CELL PHONE FOR THE PAST 10 MINUTES, DRIVING WITH ONE HAND ON THE WHEEL AND THE OTHER ON THAT VACUOUS SKIN-TONED KICKBALL THAT RESTS ATOP THEIR DROOPED SHOULDERS, I'M GOING TO MOUNT A GUN TURRET ON MY CAR, CRY HAVOC AND RELEASE THE MOTHERTRUCKING DOGS OF WAR ON THIS TOWN, YOU SONOFAB*)@)&$)#*)%*)#$%)@)$(^%^($)#_@garybusey)#%(*)^@*#!@^*#!($@#S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From beastly to...well...less beastly

Last Saturday was the big St. Baldrick's shave-a-thon.  Was a great turnout and the event raised a ton o' cash--THANK YOU, drunk people of DC!  I underwent a pretty drastic transformation, going from heavily hirsute to brutally bald over the course of a few minutes.  Hmmm...from tremendous growth to barren fields...kind of like Nicholas Cage's career?  Ooooooo!  ZING!  Buuuuuuuuurn. (sike...love you, Cage.  But, seriously, stop going bankrupt.)

Observe the worm going into its cocoon and becoming...an even balder worm:

Quite the beast.  Kinda like an emo Darth Vader.

Ahhh!  Don't get too close...it bites!!

Yes...they managed to find a scalp under that rug.

Boom.

Now my head is cold, my jaw is warm, and I look kind of like a young Obadiah Stane.  While I don't think the look is a permanent fixture, I kinda dig it and think I'll keep it around for a short while (I can feel The Wife scowling at me from where ever she is right now).  Definitely ups my street cred (previously clocked at "-8") .  I was opening the door to walk into an Einstein Bagels the other day when a middle-aged gentleman was trying to exit at the same time.  He glanced up at me, a frightened look came over his face, and he backed away from the door.  I held it open, smiled, and beckoned him through.  Then had a lil' chuckle to myself.

Yeah, definitely not losing the look for a while...

"I WISH my beard was youthful
and brown like JFro's..."

Hero of the Day - Ali Velshi

The Velsh, via CreativeCommons

Famed CNN anchor and chief spokesperson for HIFSA (Hair Is For Suckas Association) Ali Velshi officially became the biggest celebrity with whom I have ever communicated yesterday after he not only retweeted my St. Baldrick's video to all of his followers, but personally responded to one of my tweets.  I got a little faklempt.

Good Sir Velshi, I salute you.  Some may refer to you as the HAIRLESS PROPHET OF DOOM (which, for the record, is possibly the coolest nickname for which one could strive...aside from "Gooch"), but I like to think of you as a beacon...

...a beacon of skull-refracted light...

...sending out a message of to the droves of like-craniumed wanderers looking for a sign of calm amidst a raging sea of ignorant and foolhardy well-coiffed scoundrels!!!

That message: Rock the Dome.

Murphy can suck it.

Driving to work this morning.  First day on the job.  5 min behind schedule.  No time for shenanigans.

4 traffic light backups,
3 fender-bender rubberneckings,
2 school buses loading ridiculous amounts of anklebiters,
and 1 unexpected morning sheet of icy snow on the windshield LATER, I arrived to work only 25 min late.

RIDONKEY.

Why I love Sunday mornings...

3 egg omelet with green pepper, onion, tomato, jalapeno, garlic, cheese.  And the requisite fakin' bacon.
Thank you, The Wife!

WINNING!

First!

This. Is. My. BOOMSTICK!!

If you're achin' for some UK love, tune your interwebdials into the The Boomstick Show!  This podcast combines techno mashups, current events, occasional discussions of the fashion implications of anal probing, and of course, the witty repartee you'd expect from one of the Queen's finest.

Go to http://theboomstickshow.wordpress.com/ to start streamin' immediately  Specifically, tune in to today's show (3/4/11) where the goodly host mentions YOURS TRULY at some point about 10 min or so into the show...which officially makes me a worldwide internet sensation, if I understand correctly the rules of internet celebrity.  Next stop, becoming white-scribbled picture fodder for Perez Hilton!  Please, please, no pictures...

Happy Friday, World!

PS - Daft Punk rules.
PPS - Ok, I've really only heard "Around the World."  But THAT song is deck.

Pshh, Phuck That

I will admit, first and foremost, that I'm not an old school Phishhead...as Phishheads go.  I started listening to their tunes around the mid-ish 90s (*cough*1999*cough) and went to my first show in 2000 (Hershey).  It was amazing.  From the First Tube opener to the Possum encore, I was captivated by the lights, sounds, and (ok, gonna get a little hippie on ya for a sec) the feeling that surrounded the whole experience like a warm blanket of patchouli-scented happiness.  So, I consider myself to be in the second of three categories of Phishheads--based upon the time in which one started appreciating the band; 1) the originals, 2) the latecomers, 3) the fratboy posers/the druggie grungetrashers/the neohippies.  No judging, of course...just my take on the fanbase's demographic breakdown over the past almost 30 years.

So, admittedly, I wasn't around in the very beginning.  But I have been a huge phan for over 10 years now and know a thing or two about how things used to be.  Tickets, for instance, used to be sold routinely for $20.  Every show--$20.  Yes, my little economists, you take inflation into account and $20 in the mid-80s amounted to a little more than $20 now.  But, still, it was very reasonable for a live show and went along perfectly with Phish's ideology of wanting everyone to be able to enjoy their music.  Practically anyone could afford tickets and, unlike today, anyone could actually GET tickets (i.e. the supply didn't really outweigh the demand).  "Touring" with Phish was a realistic endeavor, both practically and financially.  Not the case anymore.  Nowadays, to get Phish tickets in advance of the show, one has to jump through a variety of lottery-based hoops for the opportunity to pay exorbitantly for even general admission entrance (and, yes, "exorbitantly" is anything from twice as much as "the good ol' days" upward).  I'm not completely opposed to the lottery system, per se--I think it's a good thing that people have a chance to get tickets over and above the oft-futile practice of riding the Ticketmaster bottleneck.  Where my problem lies is in the cost.

Noticing, this morning, that Phish posted their 2011 Summer Tour schedule online (could have been weeks ago...I've been a little out-of-the-loop, shall we say), I followed the links to the site through which I could enter my name into the lottery.  But, when given the option to select the type/quantity of tickets, I noticed they were all $60.  $60?????  Per ticket????  WTPh?  What happened to the whole 'anyone should be able to come see Phish play' concept?  What happened to "music for the masses?"  Yeah, I understand that Phish has outgrown it's 1983 britches but COME ON!

Don't get me wrong, the shows are sick. Absolutely worth attending.  Technically (musically) amazing, visually stunning, and just plain FUN.  But for $60 a pop?  Does that include one of Fishman's sweaty polka-dotted dresses??  Or at least a personal high-pitched serenade by The Chairman of the Boards?  It's almost a good thing that one's chances of getting tickets to multiple shows aren't very high--at least that way you won't be tempted into poverty!

I would love to think that the band doesn't know what's going on and would put the kibosh on the whole operation if they did...but I'm not that naive.  Which just makes it all the worse to think they have strayed that far from their roots (ok, perhaps that comment is a bit naive, as well :)).  Regardless, I'm pretty damn bitter over the whole thing and will not be throwing my name into the lottery for any summer tour tickets at present.  I feel like I'm being taken...and yet I can't put my finger on exactly who is doing the taking.  So, if I can score some cheaper tix on CraigsList or maybe even by showing up at the venue the day of, great.  But I, for one, can't in good conscience drop $60 on tickets for a band that used to pride themselves on catering to the little guy.  Well, maybe won't--not can't--is the more appropriate word.

Sorry Trey, Mike, Fish, and Page...love your music, but the happiness is a little too expensive.

The Hair Cometh Off!

After two years of barely any haircuts and way too much money spent on conditioner, it is time for some St. Baldrick's action once again.  But lo!  What is this madness?  A video?  Have a looksey.



Good people of Blogtopia...please, if nothing else, help me spread the word by FORWARDING THIS VIDEO/POST.  While it's important that I reach my goal of $10k by March 12, it's of even greater importance that more and more people find out about the organization and what it does.

And if you've never been to a St. Baldy's event at Fado's, clear your calendar.  It's a blast.  It's gone from merely a head shaving event to having raffles, prizes, and...oh...did I mention it's at Fado's?  Yeah, cuz you've ever not had a good time there...

Thanks for watching and helping spread the word.  If you've ever seen the devastating effects cancer can have on a person and their family, you know how necessary it is that we stop this disease.  Now.

SEE YOU ON THE 12th!

Click to donate!! http://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/mypage/participantid/431590