You know you've got it bad, when....

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

(Thanks for the heads up, buddy ;) )

THIS JUST IN: Man and iPhone to Wed!

That's right...you heard correctly. My new phone and I are so blissfully happy together, we have decided to run off and get hitched! Apologies to all our friends who would have liked to attend, but it just had to be this way. What can I say...Love works in mysterious ways...

Ok, so maybe that's not exactly true. Though I do love my new iPhone to, perhaps, an unhealthy degree, my heart remains with my lovely Wife (though I'm starting to think she and iPhone are having a fling behind my back). I just wanted to test out my blogability with the new device, and it looks like it's working just fine. Does this mean I've finally earned my 21st century merit badge?!

I love this phone...

GOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!!! USA!! USA!!

For those of you who WEREN'T streaming the US v. Algeria game during your morning Bar prep class, you missed an edge-of-your-seat knuckle-biter as our boys eeked out a victory in injury time play after 90 minutes of scoreless but passionate soccer (side note: in the battle of World Cup Soccer v. Constitutional Law, it's Footie FTW.  Every. Time.).  Landon Donovan (aka Landycakes aka The Mayor of Awesome City aka My Man-Crush of the Day) saved the day and escorted Team USA into the knockout round with his tap-in goal in the 90th minute of the game, brilliantly taking advantage of a botched save by the Algerian keeper.  The 1-0 victory puts USA and England on top of the group (that's what she said) and one step closer to the big W (that's....ALSO....what she said?).

 Donovan, during post-game interviews, got a little misty 'round the peepers as he discussed the myriad emotions surrounding the team's win and the long road that has led up to this point.  Bill Clinton was present for comment, as well, sporting his usual red-tipped light bulb nose and also, seemingly, on the verge of tears.  You let those man-tears flow, Billy Boy.  You let them flow.

Finally, permit me to give a boisterous shoutout with a large side of big ups to the World Cup referee selection committee (previously known as the Chief Referee Assignment Panel or C.R.A.P.) for selecting a ref worth his weight in VUVUZELAS for today's game.  Belgian referee Frank De Bleeckere was not only fair and observant throughout the match, but he earns ridiculous "awesome points" for prepping for the game by watching Gladiator.

In honor of today's victory and in preparation for a hopefully not-too-far-off blog posting about how I will have finally finished reading Lord of the Rings after what seems like 7,500 years of slowly getting through Sam and Frodo's "purely platonic" relationship, here's a little sumpin' sumpin' for the kiddies.  Enjoy!

PS -Gooooooooooooooooal!!!!!!!!!!!

iPhone 4 Review

In case anyone's interested in the deets, here's nice long, ALL-INCLUSIVE review by enGadget: iPhone 4 Review

Yes, my dorkdom is incomparable.

The iPhone 4 (aka Sweet Mother of Ridiculousness)

 The iPhone 4 takes its first steps on American soil this Thursday amidst ridiculous hype and even more ridiculous pre-sale setbacks, including massive website failures and eager potential customers finding their order was canceled...wait for it...AFTER RECEIVING CONFIRMATION!  But, even surpassing that ridiculousness is how ridiculously excited I am to get mine.  Seriously...it's almost troubling.  Never having had a phone that has the capability to do more than take a grainy picture, serve as a second alarm clock and, of course, field the occasional phone call, I am beside myself with child-like giddiness over ordering Apple's newest moneymaker.  I'm even thinking of buying a whole slew of black mock turtle necks and New Balances just to ensure I get the full Steve Jobs experience...I mean, look how happy HE IS with the new iPhone!! (oh, yeah, and being a multi-billionaire...almost forgot).


It's almost intimidating how much more advanced the technology is that I will soon be using as compared to that of my current phone.  Relative to the iPhone 4, my innocent little Nokia is the technological equivalent of a mortar and pestle.  A really, REALLY out-of-date mortar and pestle.  Like...the FIRST mortar and pestle ever made, when mortar and pestle technology was still vastly underdeveloped and the mortar and pestle R&D team was called in, out of the blue, to present their progress to the CEO and, in desperation, they demonstrated their rinky dink prototype which was then, unexpectedly, selected for production and sold to the public.  You get my point.  The new iPhone will definitely be cause for change.  Now that I'll be a big, bad smartphone user, I gather I'll have to start using words like "apps" and checking my email while answering the call of nature.  Anyone else just get the shivers?

However, I promise you this:  I will NOT become an Apple fanboy.  I will NOT start secretly cursing Microsoft's existence every time I hear the Windows opening theme.  I will NOT hold a voodooish, curse-ridden ritual sacrifice on Bill Gates' birthday (though I am still rather bitter over never hearing back from Mr. Gates after explaining to him, in a well-written letter, the many benefits he and his company would realize from financially backing my law school career).


Gird your loins, World...JFro is about to enter the 21st century.  And when I do, this is the first app I will purchase:

Father's Day...celebrating his royal Dadness!

Dad. Dadder. Daddio. Papa Dukes. Whatever you call that great man responsible for your being, today was his day.  To honor our Grand Poobah, the Fro Fam decided to engage in a celebratory BBQ, replete with steaks, hot dargs, salads, sides...the whole shmegegee.  The ladies were in the kitchen chopping up veggies, the men were out back on the porch gathered around the grill, grunting and scratching ourselves. It was gearing up to be quite a feast.  Which, naturally, is when the fun began.

For starters, we were unable to locate the grill tools.  So, instead of working the steaks with, say, a long-stemmed spatula and tongs like one might normally use, my improvised arsenal consisted of a fork and a pie server.  I WAS able to locate the right-hand BBQ glove, which proved most beneficial in helping me keep a healthy portion of my arm hair from singeing off due to not having longer steak-flipping utensils.  The breeze kept changing direction to blow at me no matter where I was standing, causing a seemingly constant stream of meat smoke to engulf my face at every opportunity.  Then, upon moving one of the deck chairs, we apparently disturbed a wasp who, angry that we disrupted his power nap, began darting at me like a crazed Jerry Spring guest that just found out I slept with his post-op tranny fiancee.

This, alone, would have been enough.  Which, inevitably, brings us to the grease fire.

Please do something for me.  It will only take a minute and will make you smile.  Please picture yours truly in all my grill master glory trying to extinguish a steak-borne grease fire with a dinner fork in one hand (ungloved), a pie server in the other (gloved), half blind from the smoke with sweat pouring down my face while being chased around the porch by an irate hornet.

Are you smiling yet?

Aside from the unwarrantedly vicious insect attack and almost burning down the porch and my brother, it was a lovely meal and Dad had a great Father's Day.  I made sure I thanked him for all he has done for me and the family and how I hope to be the same kind of father to my children that he was and still is to me.  And, of course, I fist-bumped him for his part in creating me.  Yeah Dad...you sly dog you...

Happy Father's Day, Dads of the World!  We love ya, ya big lugs.

Obama to tap T-Pain as Health Czar

HI-larious.

Call the Police!! The nation has been ROBBED!!!!

For anyone who was lucky enough (or...perhaps...UNlucky enough) to catch today's World Cup game against Slovenia, you undoubtedly almost choked on your midday meal when, during the 84th minute of gameplay, a man in a yellow shirt ROBBED the USA of a game-winning goal.  Here, have a looksey:



Without going into detail, I will say, simply, that it was a plain ol' bad call by the ref (who, had the recipient team been from any other country than the U.S., would have been promptly drawn, quartered and left for dead by a gaggle of drunk, crazy-eyed, irate fans).  To make matters worse, Reffy McBLINDerstein did not even do us the courtesy of explaining his reasoning for the call.  Forward Landon Donovan (aka Landycakes...nope, not kidding...) said he felt "gutted," Maurice Edu (who "scored" the goal) looked like someone just shot his Labradoodle, and even Coach Bob Bradley's sons felt the need to shout some...err...choice words at the ref as the game came to a close.

The fact is that Team USA really could have used these points for qualification to the next round.  Now we are treading upon the edge of elimination and are stuck with a must-win next game against Algeria (which, frankly, no one is TOO worried about, but still...).  I, for one, will not sit back and let this alleged referee subject our glorious country to such injustice.  In the words of one White Russian-drinking, goateed bowler, "This will not stand...ya know...this aggression will not stand, man!"


For this reason, I hereby announce my BOYCOTT OF SLOVENIA.  Now, you may be asking yourself, "Why the hell would I boycott Slovenia?  The ref was from MALI!  Why not boycott the Mali...a...lians??!"  Well, ya see, I was viciously prepared to announce my BOYCOTT OF MALI...until I took a minute to read a thing or two about this Western African nation and discovered it is one of the poorest countries in the WORLD, plagued with malnutrition and poor sanitation, and boasts a life expectancy of under 50 years old. 

SO...

yeaaaah...

I quickly reconsidered the ill-conceived Malian boycott idea and went with the next best option: BOYCOTT OF SLOVENIA!!  Join me, my friends, and boycott this Slavic nation like it was Arizona!  Let's show these "bad call acceptors" just how vengeful we can be!  The next time you are planning on importing some...well...whatever it is that Slovenia exports...THINK TWICE.  The next time you sit down to plan that long-awaited trip to Ljubljana...don't do it, man!

Harsh?  Perhaps.  Necessary for the future of a free America?  Absofreakinlutely.

Blogs are dumb.

Blogs are DUMB.

To be honest, I'm not quite sure why I started this blog.  Having publicly blog-bashed for many a year now, I was naturally hesitant to start my own.  After all, who really blogs, really?  C'mon...who are these quasi-anonymous narcissists, spouting worthless drek atop their e-soapboxes, taking up valuable space on my intertubes?  And, furthermore, who takes the time to READ this crap??  So many questions...so much confusion...oh my aching head...

But, taking a page out of the "don't knock it until you try it" book (Harper Publishing, 1973, $24.99 USD), I have decided to throw caution to the wind and dive headfirst into the world of electronic verbal diarrhea that is blogging to see what all the fuss is about.  If you'd like to join me on the journey, I welcome your viewership with open arms.  If not, well, you'll probably be better off!  Either way, if you're reading this now, WELCOME TO THE FROBlog :)

No, I do not expect to garner a staunch following like so many of the Perez Hiltons and TMZs of the world.  I fully expect my core audience to consist of my wife, Mom, and sister and, damn it, I'm ok with that (God bless you three.  God...bless...you....).  Besides, I'm sure a majority of postings from now until the end of July will be anger-fueled rants about how the Bar exam is actually DESIGNED to suck out one's will to live...and if you're not a lawyer, ex-law student, or a sadist with a general disregard for the well-being of your fellow man...well, it might not exactly hit home with you.

But, hey, here's to trying something new.  Raise a glass!  Or at least an eyebrow.  The FROBlog has arrived!

Here's to you,
JFro