Call the Police!! The nation has been ROBBED!!!!

For anyone who was lucky enough (or...perhaps...UNlucky enough) to catch today's World Cup game against Slovenia, you undoubtedly almost choked on your midday meal when, during the 84th minute of gameplay, a man in a yellow shirt ROBBED the USA of a game-winning goal.  Here, have a looksey:



Without going into detail, I will say, simply, that it was a plain ol' bad call by the ref (who, had the recipient team been from any other country than the U.S., would have been promptly drawn, quartered and left for dead by a gaggle of drunk, crazy-eyed, irate fans).  To make matters worse, Reffy McBLINDerstein did not even do us the courtesy of explaining his reasoning for the call.  Forward Landon Donovan (aka Landycakes...nope, not kidding...) said he felt "gutted," Maurice Edu (who "scored" the goal) looked like someone just shot his Labradoodle, and even Coach Bob Bradley's sons felt the need to shout some...err...choice words at the ref as the game came to a close.

The fact is that Team USA really could have used these points for qualification to the next round.  Now we are treading upon the edge of elimination and are stuck with a must-win next game against Algeria (which, frankly, no one is TOO worried about, but still...).  I, for one, will not sit back and let this alleged referee subject our glorious country to such injustice.  In the words of one White Russian-drinking, goateed bowler, "This will not stand...ya know...this aggression will not stand, man!"


For this reason, I hereby announce my BOYCOTT OF SLOVENIA.  Now, you may be asking yourself, "Why the hell would I boycott Slovenia?  The ref was from MALI!  Why not boycott the Mali...a...lians??!"  Well, ya see, I was viciously prepared to announce my BOYCOTT OF MALI...until I took a minute to read a thing or two about this Western African nation and discovered it is one of the poorest countries in the WORLD, plagued with malnutrition and poor sanitation, and boasts a life expectancy of under 50 years old. 

SO...

yeaaaah...

I quickly reconsidered the ill-conceived Malian boycott idea and went with the next best option: BOYCOTT OF SLOVENIA!!  Join me, my friends, and boycott this Slavic nation like it was Arizona!  Let's show these "bad call acceptors" just how vengeful we can be!  The next time you are planning on importing some...well...whatever it is that Slovenia exports...THINK TWICE.  The next time you sit down to plan that long-awaited trip to Ljubljana...don't do it, man!

Harsh?  Perhaps.  Necessary for the future of a free America?  Absofreakinlutely.