Yesterday, the Washington City Paper sent a memo to its staff outlining the behavior they are and aren't allowed to exhibit if attending Saturday's Rally To Restore Sanity. In light of these obviously necessary restrictions, the FROBlog editorial staff thought it best to act similarly. To that end, allow me to present the:
Rally Rules for FROBlog Employees
1) No laughing.
2) No smiling.
3) Smirking is allowed, but the smirk must be no more than a slight curvature of the lips, the corners of the mouth not to exceed 3 MILLIMETERS over the top of the bottom lip.
4) Coughing is allowed, but only during pauses in the featured speaker's speech. Coughing while the speaker is speaking could be construed as taking sides which is expressly prohibited and cause for immediate termination.
5) Standing is allowed for intervals of 5 minutes at a time and must be immediately followed by sitting for an equivalent period of time to even out the signal being conveyed (i.e. Standing = Agreeing = You're a hippy liberal progressive socialist commie tree-hugging patchouli stick. And, btw, Glenn Beck has a hit out on you.).
6) No clapping. Hands or feet.
7) No cheering. Or jeering. OR sneering.
8) No heavy breathing. 15 breaths per minute, minimum (exemptions: asthmatics and those with portable oxygen tanks. Must possess a doctor's note. From a doctor with no prior political affiliation.).
9) Side comments to friends must be made out of public view. Side comments to co-workers may be made in public view but eye contact is strictly prohibited.
10) Itching of the nose or face is cause for drawing and quartering. And possibly slappin' yo mama.
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