Vagina Dentata

WOW.

How did this little gem fly under the radar???  The gem of which I speak is the movie "Teeth," the existence of which I was recently informed by either the Cort and Fatboy or Whiskey and Beer podcasts (can't remember which one, but the discussion involving said movie was inappropriate for anyone under the age of "alive").

IMDB plot summary: Still a stranger to her own body, a high school student discovers she has a physical advantage when she becomes the object of male violence.

In clearer terms:

THE GIRL HAD CROTCH TEETH.

Please...PLEASE, I beg of you, have a looksey at the trailer:


EVERY ROSE HAS ITS THORNS??!!!!  It doesn't get any better than this!!!!!  Oh, Netflix...don't disappoint!!!

You know, just the other day I was thinking to myself, "Man, what I wouldn't give to watch a movie about a chick with jabber jaws in her hoohoo."  And, POOF!  Like a little gift from heaven, Teeth fell into my lap (oooo, bad metaphor...).

Seriously, though, can you imagine what the studio pitch meeting was like?  Ohhhh, man, would I love to have been a fly on THAT wall:

Studio Exec: So...ok, let me make sure I'm getting this right.  It's about a girl...
Producer: (excitedly) Uh huh...
Exec: ...who has teeth...
Producer: (nodding excitedly) UH HUH...
Exec: ...in her...
(Producer is brimming with elation)
Exec: ...VA...GINA??

Producer: (finger on nose) DING DING DING!  It's gonna be huge!  Like LORD OF THE RINGS-huge!  Blood, guts, sex, vagina teeth, teenage angst...the possibilities are ENDLESS!  We can bill it as a horror, a drama, a thriller, anything!  Ok, maybe not a date movie.  Or MAYBE!  It's like Friday the 13th meets Debbie Does Dallas meets Predator meets Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants!!  I'm seeing posters, lunchboxes, wallpaper, onesies...this thing is a pressure cooker of a movie and it's gonna tear the crotch off America!!  We just need a star that people will believe that could have vagina teeth....oooo!  Linsday Lohan!  That's one's got definite vagina teeth potential.  If she can just stay out of jail, that is.  What a basket case, that one!  But couldn't you just see her vag-biting some guys junk off??  Picture it: she's in a car with a guy, they pull over, he makes a move, they're getting it on and--BAM!--chomp city!!!  He's there screaming bloody murder with his pants around his ankles and no ding dong, she's half-naked covered waist-down in crimson, vagina teeth gnashing away....WOW!!!

(Exec is frozen in awe)

Producer: HUGE!!!