The second time, I thought, "hmm...I wonder if this will be a trend."
When the third went down, I took it as a sign. Therefore, I present to you:
TALES FROM THE ELEVATOR!
(gasp at your own leisure...)
Awkward (yesterday)
Got into the elevator with an older gentleman wearing a bow tie and a really creepy permagrin. The parking level button was lit up, but I was going to the lobby so I pressed my button and stepped back. The fact that he kept looking over at me wasn't the awkward part--ok, it was definitely awkward--but what was MOST awkward was when the door opened on MY floor and he moved forward like he was leaving, causing me to pause. Then he turned to look at me. So I looked back at him. I wanted to leave...but I wasn't quite sure if he was heading out or WHAT, so I began to ask him what his intentions were in regard to getting out of the freaking elevator! But he made some sort of noise at the same time I started to speak which cut off my sentence...so I asked, "What?" And, basically, it just progressed in that ridiculous manner for another 10 seconds of awkward confusion until I decided to just leave it alone and walk out.
Annoying (today)
Back story: tired, cold outside, minimal coffee at this point, just want to get to my desk.
Entering the building well ahead of anyone else walking behind me, I approached the elevator area where there stood a woman who proceeded to hail an elevator. As it came and we entered (that's what she said?), she noticed a colleague walking into the building at the other end of the lobby. Again, let me reiterate that I was very eager to get to my desk and unwind from the morning commute. So, we're in the elevator and the door stays open for an EXORBITANTLY long time--at this point, I'm fuming. Then it begins to close at a nice leisurely if not slothy pace--finally, I think, the journey is coming to a close. BUT WAIT! What does my stout elevator companion proceed to do just as the two doors come to a grindingly slow close, but LUNGE FORWARD to press the "Door Open" button!!!! ????!!!! Then I'm standing there, waiting, with smoke pouring out of my ears while her friend casually strolls through the lobby and enters the elevator with us, the door AGAIN taking the length of time it takes to watch the entire ROOTS series to close.
Just...bizarre... (last Thursday)
After buying lunch from the singing sandwich lady downstairs, I get on the elevator to return to my nice, warm, cozy, safe desk on floor numero six only to be greeted by a short woman carrying a few Macy's-type bags and sporting a permagrin (yeah, I know, what's with all the permagrins? Really freakin' me out, here...). As the elevator doors close and we proceed upward, I notice the lady next to me is getting more and more excited, sort of like a teapot that's nearing a boil. Then--
[Ok, before I continue, I just want to state, for the record, that what you're about to read is what actually happened. No embellishment, no exaggeration. This is f'reals, ya'll.]
--without any sort of warning or notice, she turns to me, her face lit up like a octogenarian's birthday cake, and says in a high-pitched, shrieky crescendoed yell, "I can't wait to give my boss his Chriiiiistmaaaaaas presennnnnnnnnnnnnt!!!!"
If you know me, you know that few are the times when I'm found completely speechless. This was one of those times. Wide-eyed with, undoubtedly, a look of sheer terror on my face, I nodded and eeked out an "mm hmm?" She was now staring at me, open-mouthed, electricity surging through her veins, holding up one of her bags. "My boss likes to take notes at meetings, and I collected them and made a collaaaaaage!!!!!!!!!" she sang at me, "He's going to loooooooooooove iiiiiiiit!!!"
And with that, the door opened and she walked out of the elevator, still smiling, leaving me standing there frozen in bewilderment at the events that had just transpired.
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