Add 2 dashes insult to injury...

Was at the pool today here in sunny (skin-scorchingly-molten-nuclear hot) Arizona when my sis and I decided to get our water volleyball on. Whilst preparing the net, a couple of lil' tykes came over and expressed interest in playing with us.  Naturally, being the ex-camp counselors we are, we happily obliged. 

It was then that one of the pesky ankle-biters offered that we should play "kids versus parents." It took me a second before I realized that the "parents" to whom he was referring might include ME. Eyebrows arched, I incredulously asked the hairless runt, "Who, here, do you think is a parent??!"  This, of course, was a stupid question, and I was promptly informed of my new status. Set on pleading my case, I followed up with, "[Aha, you silly bastard...] but I don't HAVE any kids!" and rested my hands on my hips, basking in the glow that only accompanies intellectually besting a 7-year-old.  His response, immediate and assured, was, "Well then you're a childless parent!" and sent me on my way to the other side of the net.

.....
........

"Parents vs. Kids," huh?  Whatever otherworldly being that arranged for this interaction to take place but a week after my 30th birthday is just plain cruel.

I Must Break You

Rocky IV: The Musical...
How has this NOT won a Tony???

And a little Ivan Drago bonus feature:

Like father like son...like Manbaby

Holy Disturbing Fathers' Day-related website, Batman!!
(appreciation to Neiman...the studliest stud west of Pittsburgh)

http://www.manbabies.com/

Pity laugh-worthy, apparently

The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop.  Asks the guy at the counter, "Can you make me one with everything?"

Get it?

Get it??

**awkward turtle**

Happy Hot Dog Man!!

It's Hump Day...and you know what that means!!!

http://www.happyhotdogman.com/

(Yeah, nothing to do with Wednesday at all)

Dirk Nowitzki...German craftsmanship at its finest

It's probably good this picture
cuts off mid-torso...

DIRK! NO! WIT! ZKI!

Clap! Clap! Clap Clap Clap!

DIRK! NO! WIT! ZKI!

Clap! Clap! Clap Clap Clap!

DIRK! NO! WIT! ZKI!

Clap! Clap! Clap Clap Clap!

If you asked me 3 weeks ago whether it was a possibility for me to cheer for a Dallas team, I would have laughed in your funny face.  Being a die-hard Redskins fan (yeah, no need to make fun...our record and reputation speak for themselves), it is in our BLOOD to hate Dallas teams.  Like, if you caught me off guard and jumped in front of me as I was rounding a corner and really quickly screamed out, "What do you hate???!" I would instinctively yell back "DALLAS!!!" like a reflexive, knee-jerk response before actually realizing what was going on.

So it came as quite a surprise that I woke up one morning and found I had a man-crush on Dirk Nowitzki of the Dallas Mavericks.  But, c'mon, is it really hard to see why?  The guy's awesome.  He plays fearless ball, makes shots that just should NOT go in (I mean, his style can only be categorized as "ugly" most of the time), and seems like an all-around nice guy.  Admittedly, I don't know anything about his history in the NBA...I really just jumped aboard the Dirk Wagon right before the finals started.  But I'm in for good.  He's a great player that definitely deserves all the accolades coming his way.  And when they win the championship over the Heat--oh, how sweet would that be, King James? huh?  HUH??--I'll be doing my Dirk chant from couch (probably to the chagrin of my Wife and Mom, seeing how they care as much about the NBA finals as they do about the controversy over Pluto's downgrade from "regular planet" to "dwarf planet").

And with that, I leave you with one final thought:

DIRK! NO! WIT! ZKI!

Clap! Clap! Clap Clap Clap!

Killer Veggies?

Felt the need to post this one...I trust the guy who wrote it and it seems like something of which we should be aware.

Plus, "Killer Veggies" was too good a subject line to pass up.

http://natural.getprograde.com/plastic-meal-containers.html?advert_id=steamers

OMG, I HATE COMCAST!!!

OMG, I HATE COMCAST!!!
OMG, I HATE COMCAST!!!
OMG, I HATE COMCAST!!!
OMG, I HATE COMCAST!!!
OMG, I HATE COMCAST!!!
OMG, I HATE COMCAST!!!
OMG, I HATE COMCAST!!!

I. HAAAAATE. COMCAST!!!!

Jag hatar Comcast!!!
Odio Comcast!!!
Ich hasse Comcast!!!
!!!Comcast אני שונא
Я ненавіджу Comcast!!!
Ik haat Comcast!!!
我恨康卡斯特!!!!!!
  

**hyperventilating.....calming......calming.....deeeep cleansing breath...**


I'm currently on hold with Comcast.  I've been dealing with this same problem for the past 6 months.  I'll spare you the details; I'll say only that it's a recurring problem that shouldn't be and I've had to call up customer service rep after customer service rep every month to fix their mistakes.  And I have to re-explain the whole freakin' story each damn time!  AND IT'S GETTING A LITTLE OLD!  WHERE ARE THE NOTES????  THEY SAID THERE'D BE NOTES IN MY ACCOUNT!!!  WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING MY ACCOUNT NUMBER SO YOU CAN PULL UP MY ACCOUNT IF, ULTIMATELY, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WRITE ANYTHING ABOUT MY PROBLEM--WHICH I INFORMED YOU WAS RECURRING--IN MY ACCOUNT??!?!?!?!?!


**hyperventilating.....calming......calming.....deeeep cleansing breath...**



The part that really gets my goat is there's no recourse.  No accountability.  I sit here like a little BITCH reaching for the phone month after month--a combined look of melancholy and despair on my face as I contemplate the futile journey on which I'm about to embark--only to wait on hold for 15 minutes until some incompetent customer service rep who doesn't give a rat's ass about my frustration gets on the phone and, in a tone that can only be described as "I honestly care more about what happened last night on So You Think You Can Dance than your problem", tells me they emailed their supervisor--THE ONLY PERSON IN THE GOD LOVING WORLD WHO CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING, APPARENTLY--and I should wait to hear back from them when they read the email TOMORROW because THEY'VE ALREADY LEFT FOR THE DAY!!!!!!!!!


**hyperventilating.....calming......calming.....deeeep cleansing breath...**


You know what this is?  This is a civil rights violation.  It's a freakin' violation of our civil rights!  To have to go through this process every time we need assistance with the oft-busted services Comcast provides??  We should not have to suffer through this indignity--we're Americans!  Land of the Free!  Home of the Brave!  Country of choices and liberties and more channels than, at which, we can shake a stick!!  It is not ours to be subject to fierce and uncompromising incompetency and frustration in order to maintain a right for which we pay!!!!

...did I mention I'm still on hold?

Yes, I could leave Comcast.  And I very well might, one of these days.  But for now, I'm going to fight.  I'm going to fight b/c I am a paying customer and HUMAN BEING that is owed a certain level of satisfaction and have come too far to bow out now.  I was promised something, and I want them to make good on that promise.  It's only just.  And justice is non-negotiable.

And, btw, Comcast...your hold music SUCKS.

Big Willie Style

This. Is. Awesome.
All you a cappella haters out there...this might just convert you.

iRetro

This is awesome.  It's an iPhone cover.  Funny (sobering?) to think about the fact that many younger iPhone users today have never seen the original.

http://www.modcloth.com/storefront/products/search/keyword/standing-ovation?fs=true

Schwarzenhumpah

Why is the recent news of Schwarzy's love child such a surprise to everyone???  The man famously compared lifting weights and being on stage for bodybuilding competitions to EJACULATING, for the love of god!  He was basically one walking hard-on for the majority of his adult life.  Is it really that hard to believe that ol' Arnie fell off the monogamy wagon 10 years ago?

I think some of the surprise stems from the image the Govuhnator has portrayed in some of his later movies...that of the lovable, gentle-giant, protector father-figure.  You can't deny that the Terminator probably sperminated every woman to cross his path (ahhh, Ms. Connor...the one that got away...).  But Detective John Kimble would have NEVER cheated on Joyce with another woman.  And Howard Langston (from Jingle All The Way--in case you weren't aware, having been one of the BILLION people who chose to do something remotely productive with their lives rather than sit through that movie) had a dedication to his wife and son that would have never allowed for infidelity.  And look at his character in Last Action Hero!...no, seriously, check it out, b/c I definitely never saw that piece of--

I'm not condoning the activity by any stretch of the imagination...I'm just a little confused as to why people are sitting around with their jaws dropped over someone who probably humped the crap out of a heavy bag between squat sets at the gym.  Have you SEEN Conan The Barbarian??  He punched a camel!!  Ok, that has nothing to do with anything...just happen to love that scene :)

Or maybe it does...  I mean, can you really lug around that much testosterone for that long and not...well...EXPLODE (for lack of a better word)?  I'm kind of glad he only fathered an illegitimate child these past many years as opposed to doing things like strangling the mailman in a fit of blind rage after realizing his 20% off Bed, Bath, & Beyond coupon hadn't arrived yet!  This is a powerful man we're talking about here...he could have done some serious damage.  Perhaps we should be thanking his baby mamma for keeping him "off the streets," shall we say.

Sorry, Maria...I can feel your stare penetrating my soul...

Featured Video About Having Sex Of The Day

Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina. Do the math.

Dancin' to the Oldies

Um....WHAT??

Mixed Bag

-MD Gov. Martin O'Malley signed a bill today that legalized possession and use of marijuana for medicinal purposes.  It did NOT, however, legalize shops in which one can buy the marijuana (like those in CA).  And shady-ass dealers with guns everywhere let out a cheer!  *sigh*  Btw, hear me now: BUY STOCK IN Frito-Lay IMMEDIATELY.  As more and more states sign similar laws legalizing use and sale of marijuana, we step closer to full-on legalization.  And when that happens, you know what comes next: CHEETOS-CITY, BABY!!!  Just a matter of time, mark my words.

-If you haven't watched The Kennedys, get on it.  Great mini-series.  Barry Pepper is sick as Bobby K.  Discuss.

-All I'm saying, penis-enlargement spam, is that if I would ever consider lengthening the Lil' General, I'd probably go with a doctor that uses proper grammar in his advertisements.  Just sayin'.

-This SUCKS:

He Who's Birth Certificate Shall Not Be Named

For geeky awesomeness, click here:
https://twitter.com/#!/lord_voldemort7/status/67698361708462080

(thanks to Mark Shabason aka Big Dawg aka Mr. NYC aka Penny's Bitch)