HOW DID I DO????? #@)*%)#$&%(#$&%!!!!!!!!!!!!

How did it go?
How do you think you did?
Did it go well???
DID YOU PASS??????????

I blame myself.  It's my fault.  I didn't let you know.  I didn't tell you about the handful of questions that you're just not allowed...by law...under penalty of horrific, disgusting, bizarre, morally-reprehensible medieval torture...to ask someone who just sat for the bar.  *Deep breath*  It's ok--really, you didn't know.  But, as a service to all those recently finished, weary-eyed bar-sitters who've yet to hear from good ol' Aunt Gerty and Uncle Bob--those loving relatives who will UNDOUBTEDLY pose one of the muscle-tensing questions listed above--please distribute this message as a preemptive public service announcement.

I.  DO.  NOT.  KNOW.  HOW.  I.  DID.

I know you want to ask.  I know you're just ITCHING to ask!  And, joking aside, I do know that it comes from the heart :)  But, c'mon, people.  Fo' surious.  Are you really asking how I did on a 2-day long, 15-hour, poly-subject mixed-question law gauntlet that is designed to confuse, configured to fatigue, and rife with questions that elicit so much self-doubt it is no wonder that one of the test takers at my location actually had a stress-induced seizure midway through the exam??  (Follow-Up: after she stopped seizing, the seizee, in an act of extreme powerhouseness, CONTINUED TAKING THE TEST!  Kudos to you, muchacha.  Huevos Grande!  Well...um...you know what I mean...)

The answer, btw, is this: NO ONE KNOWS...yet.  There's no real way for the test-taker to gauge their performance until results are announced in November because the individual's raw score is ultimately scaled to reflect the collective results of everyone who took that state's bar.  So, even if we wanted to answer your INANE...*ahem*...sorry...heartfelt questions, there's no way to give you an accurate answer.  However, that's not the point.  The point is that just about every student who left the test center last Wednesday felt like large amounts of SUCK after two days of being metaphorically Chuck Norrised in the brain.  To then have to answer the ol' "How did it go???"......*shudder*....well, here, see if you can formulate an answer to at least one of the following "How did it go?" retorts and maybe that will give you an idea of where I'm coming from:

("How did it go," you ask?...)

How did it go the morning after you first learned about Jagermeister in college???


How did it go that time you took a line drive softball straight to the jugunga????


How did it go the first time your Mom caught you finding creative uses for a tubesock????


How did it go that time you got fired from your job after being accused of performing poorly AND smelling like Michael Moore after three hours of Jazzercize??????

Pickenz up vas I'm puttinz down, ya?  There is no good answer that you want to hear.  And I KNOW you don't want to sit through my glorious description of how the only thing more frustrating than not knowing the answers to numerous formidable essay questions was trying to block out the ever-present fart stench coming from the table behind me (That's right, 'older-guy-with-the-IBM-compatible who didn't even give me a pity laugh when I attempted a tension-cutting pre-exam joke about fluorescent earplugs.'  I know whatchoo did!!!)  

In sum, unless you're aching to be on the receiving end of a good ol' stink eye, my advice is to offer a "Hey, congrats on being done!," then clap your hands once and walk away like a Vegas dealer who's shift just ended.  It will be much appreciated, believe me.  As long as I have you here, let me just thank you, in advance, for NOT asking me if I have received my results seventeen times before Nov. 5.  And, thanks for NOT calling me up on Nov. 5 in eager anticipation of what you're "SURE" the results will be.  AND, thanks for NOT reassuring me that the February test will be a shoe-in because I "already know what to expect."   Basically, let's just not talk before next spring.  Nothing personal.  It'll just be safer that way.