Enough is Enough!

I am a firm believer that one should quit while they're ahead.  We've seen it happen before...hell, it's happening right now.  Somewhere, in some flashy, bell-dinging, blue-haired lady packed casino, some poor sap is sitting at a blackjack table next to a divorcée in a sequin dress and a fat guy in a cowboy hat, watching his kid's college fund/family savings/casino bankroll go down the tubes, Lohan-style.  He sat down with the shiny sparkle of luck in his eye, hit a hot streak that put him up 300% (prompting numerous sweaty high-five requests from the fat guy in the cowboy hat) and then, when all notions of reason and responsibility would tell him to "GET UP, YOU SCHMUCK!  TAKE YOUR FREE MONEY AND ROLL!"...

...he lets it ride.  And that, naturally, is when the tides turn, the stars fall out of alignment and, ten minutes later, our poor sap finds himself crying into his watered-down 7&7 wondering how he's going to break the news to his soon-to-be ex-wife that they're going to have to sell the dog and pass on the Sunsetter Retractable Awning they were so excited about!

You start strong, you PEAK, you keep on going, and then you tank.  Doesn't happen to everyone, of course. It's not an across-the-board formula by any stretch of the imagination.  However, the scenario rears its ugly head all-too-often in certain situations **coughTELEVISIONcough** and, thus, can AND SHOULD be avoided by paying attention to history and checking your ego at the door.  Yes, Mister Producer Man, I believe I am talking to YOU, sir.

Let's get down to brass tax, here.  I am talking about two of my favorite--or, rather, once favorite--tv shows: Entourage and The Office.

I won't lie.  I started getting HBO to watch Entourage.  Saw a couple YouTube clips of "The Best of Ari Gold" and was absolutely hooked.  This was, if memory serves, sometime during the second season where Vince is being courted for the lead role in Aquaman,  Ari is up in arms over Terrence's mysterious return to the agency, Drama is considering calf implants(?!), and smoking hot chicks abounded.  WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE?!  I immediately brought myself up to date and began spending my days looking forward to Sunday night, perpetually wondering JUST HOW MUCH weed Turtle would smoke by the end of the episode and what unlucky soul would find themselves on the receiving end of an Ari Gold obscenity-gorged tongue lashing.

As for The Office...well, I must sheepishly admit that I was probably the last person in the lower 48 states to jump onto the Michael Scott Bandwagon.  But once I was on...I WAS ON.  Could anything be funnier than 30 minutes of awkward, cringe-worthy interpersonal interaction?  And, c'mon...Dwight?  This guy was comedy GOLD.  Gold, Jerry...Gold! (anyone?  anyone?)  There were laughs, romantic angst, Jell-O molds...the show could do no wrong!

(Side note: I am watching Leno while writing this post, and his guest is The Situation.  THIS GUY is on tv, raking in the dough, and I can't get a job???? ...*sigh*... I'm going to have a pep-talk with my abs, as they're obviously not pulling their weight.)

Everything was going swell between me and my shows.  Season 3 was great for the Scranton crew as well as Vince's gang.  Viewership was at an all-time high.  Lingering subplots were being resolved: Pam and Jim finally got together.  Vince and E finally were able to make Medellin.  Life was good.

THEN came Season 4.

It wasn't that the shows' Seasons 4 were bad, per se.  They were entertaining.  Ish.  The problem lay in the fact that the characters and the scope of the show were changing...and not to the benefit of the programs as a whole.  The subplots we came to know, love, and anguish over were resolved, which is great...but then why would we continue watching?  The appeal of Entourage was its situational simplicity and uncomplicated characters; the loud-mouthed boys from Queens had fun spending ridiculous amounts of money, getting high, and chasing girls while trying to land Vince in a movie...BOOM, that's it..  But, alas, no more.  Now E's going down the dark road toward Agentdom, Drama is actually becoming successful and garnering celebrity, and Turtle...is Turtle even IN the fourth season??

The Office suffered a similar fate starting in Season 4, as the Pam and Jim angst-fest petered out into an all-too-cute office romance and Dwight slowly turned from nerdy dolt to plotting knave.  The show got too big for its britches by featuring too much out-of-the-office action and scripting out of certain characters the traits and charm that hooked us from the get go.  I could go into greater detail but, frankly, this post is already bordering on a tome so I'll leave it at is.

My message to these shows: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!  Just stop already!  Ya done good, so quite while you're ahead!  Keep it going like this and you'll all suffer a nasty case of...

...no...I can't....
....I can't say it....
.......ok....FINE....
.........IF I MUST....

Simpsons Syndrome!!!  OH THE HUMANITIES!!! (if that comment happened to offend any of the seven people who still watch The Simpsons religiously, please accept my humblest apologies.).

I'm simply saying that they should put the kibosh on the whole operation before it succumbs to waning viewership, poor ratings, and eventually having to throw in even zanier plot twists in attempts to keep interest high...or there at all!  What was once novel is now all too familiar.  Face it guys...ya jumped the shark.  Time to let 'er go.

~fin~

EPILOGUE: Further investigation has indicated that both Entourage and The Office are closing up shop.  Entourage is set to film one final mini-season of six episodes followed by a movie (bad idea) and The Office will film a seventh season and then lose Steve Carell (continuing on without him would be an even WORSE idea).

PS - Holy Schmantzenpants, this is a ridiculously long post.  You'd think I didn't have anything else to do but sit at my computer and clack away.  Oh, wait...

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Dressed to the 9s in aisle 8

It could be that this has been circulating on them intertubes for a long time and I'm just now coming upon it.  Either way, it's a gem.  Debra Jackson, if you're reading this...CALL ME.  I want to party with you.

Sunday, Sunday, SUNDAY!!!

This has been one busy summer.  From spending endless hours pouring over brain-mushing Bar material, to being out of town for three weeks on a whirlwind European vacation (believe me, no one's complaining 'bout this one), to being altogether engulfed in the job hunting bubble, I've been feeling a little out-of-the-loop...especially as it pertains to sports.  The defining moment came about a week ago when I turned on the tv and saw our ol' coach, Big Jim Zorn himself, sporting...a RAVENS cap?!  WHAT???  When did this happen???  It was at that point I knew it was time to get back in the game, as it were.

Those who know me know that my knowledge base of sports-related statstica (arguably not a real word) is about as shallow as Heidi Montag reading a MAD Magazine in a kiddy pool (side note: whether this scenario is realistic or not is up for debate.  Considerations: Heidi Montag can no longer fit in a standard size kiddie pool with her two new inordinately huge chesticles.  Secondly, it involves her reading).  I consistently defer the role of Sports Conversation Facilitator to my good buddy Boobs who, if the sheer volume of sports trivia knowledge one possessed directly correlated to one's manliness, would resemble some sort of Adonis-like superhuman comprised of Chuck Norris' legs, Fabio's torso, and John Holmes'...well...you get the idea...

Conversational shortcomings aside, I am a die-hard, unwavering Redskins fan who begins EVERY season under the impression that they will be going to the Superbowl and routinely stack my fantasy team with their top players (typically a recipe for brutal defeat after brutal defeat, ultimate failure, and inevitable ridicule.  I do it every year without fail.).  I LOVE me some football and, accordingly, feel as though I owe it to myself to up my "stat savvy" this season.  Not quite sure how, just yet.  But I'm pretty sure it means more Sportscenter and paying closer attention to pregame show commentary, which is never a bad thing.  Ok, I take that back.  It's never a bad thing unless, like me, you are kinda weirded out by Cris Collinsworth's glazed-over permasmile.  Really...it's...it's just weird, right?  Kinda like he's always sitting there daydreaming about ever-so-slowly riding a horse through a sunny green field in middle America until Warren Sapp shifts in his seat and his PLANET OF A HEAD eclipses the studio lights, snapping Cris back into reality!   *pause* ...kinda like that?

So, all that being said, permit me to address a few issues surrounding yesterday's pigskin action:

**Donovan McNabb - as far as his performance, I think Jarrett Bell of USATODAY.com hit the nail on the head when he said McNabb wasn't spectacular...but he WON.  Nabby fired off a couple too many shoestring passes for my liking, but he got the job done and led the Hogs into the regular season with a big "W" against our favorite team to beat.  Kudos, my good sir, carry on.  And, yes, I will be calling you "Nabby" for the immediate time being, Nabby.

**Prince Albert - Ok, so you're a nose tackle...get over it.  Time to step up your game, there, Haynesworth, because you seemed a little sluggish out there against the Cowgirls.  And don't get me started on your missing practices.  If I were getting paid $100 million ...... sorry, I think I just swallowed my mandible.  Let me try that again.  If I were getting paid.......100 MILLION DOLLARS, I would not only make it my business to attend every practice smiling and without complaint, but I'd buy a new wardrobe that consisted solely of burgundy and gold jumpsuits, change my doorbell, ringtone, and car horn to "Hail to the Redskins," and send Dan Snyder weekly Edible Arrangements fruit baskets.  Of course, since they were being delivered to Dan Snyder I'd let them sit out in the sun a few days before sending them...

**E-A-G-L-E-S...EAGLES!  LOST!

**Tom Brady's hair looks like a poorly constructed Jennifer Aniston wig.  But, on the upside, at least now he and Giselle can buy conditioner in bulk, right?  Sam's Club, hoooooooooo!

And now, my lovelies, I must away.  Have a date with ESPN so I can learn me some knowledge.  Next time you see me, I'll be able to tell you exactly how many touchdowns the Red Wings scored in the last World Series!

I'd like to close with this:


Hail to the Redskins!
Hail Victory!
Braves on the Warpath!
Fight for old D.C.!

Run or pass and score -- we want a lot more!
Beat 'em, Swamp 'em,
Touchdown! -- Let the points soar!
Fight on, fight on 'Til you have won
Sons of Wash-ing-ton. Rah!, Rah!, Rah!
Hail to the Redskins!
Hail Victory!
Braves on the Warpath!
Fight for old D.C.!

Domestic Nonplussage

"Well, we're home."  Three words I've dreaded having to say since the moment our Boeing 777 lifted off American soil a month ago and Iron Man 2 lit up our single-serving tv screens (fun movie, btw, if you haven't seen it.  Anyone else notice that Terrence Howard looked, mysteriously, like Don Cheadle in this one...)  Now, don't get me wrong--it's not that I have beef with DC Metro Area.  The District is, without a doubt, one of the jewels of our nation.  It's got the White House, the monuments, the memorials, Perry's Sunday Tranny Brunch.  But, c'mon, fellow world travelers...you know what I'm gettin' at, right?  A casual stroll on the National Mall doesn't hold a candle to viewing the ancient ruins of Rome, crossing the statue-laden Charles Bridge that spans Prague's Vltava River, or walking the cobblestones of Edinburgh's Royal Mile leading up to an awe-inspiring medieval castle fortress.

...right?

I have been sorely missing Europe ever since returning to American soil.  However, upon further consideration, it occurs to me that I might have been selling our little capital city short (to myself, that is).  Not that DC's offerings can necessarily measure up to the wonders of fill-in-the-blank-European-destination.  But this city ain't no slouch, neither. Between the museums and galleries, monuments and memorials--even the architecture that, while only dating back so many years, spans both time and style--DC can be a desired destination in its own right.  This city holds within its borders some of this nation's finest achievements, not to mention its ridiculously fascinating and pride-filled history.  Oh right, THAT history.  The whole "forming of our great nation" thing.  That earns a few points, right?

No, no, no...I have NOT been hired by the District of Columbia Department of Tourism as their newest PR rep.  For one, that would mean I'm employed.  Had that happened, you and everyone within a 50 mile radius would have been alerted via my screams of joy from the surrounding mountaintops and, very possibly, an overzealous, Will Ferrel-esque streak through the city with "I got 'er done!!" painted on my butt cheeks (yes, folks, it's coming to that).

What I think I'm getting at is that I am not willing to let myself wallow in the post-vacation doldrums of tourist nostalgia, especially when there is a city at my doorstep I have only begun to discover despite living in the area for the better part of my life.  Yes, I've been to the Air and Space museum, seen IMAXes, and eaten dehydrated "astronaut ice cream" 20 times over.  Yes, I've repeatedly walked past the Old Executive Office building and Renwick and Corcoran Galleries on the way to my Dad's old office.  I've strolled from monsieur Lincoln to the Capitol and back.  I've Cherryblossomed.  I've engaged in countless acts of alcohol-fueled debauchery from the north most tip of 16th Street all the way down to the bowels of Georgetown.  And yet, I feel like I've barely scratched the surface.

So, in sum, I'm issuing a challenge to myself and anyone else who is interested: get up off your LOST-watching, Farmville-harvesting, wonktastic keister, go out there and remind yourself why our nation's capital is such an asset.  If I'm the only one that hasn't truly taken advantage of what this city has to offer..well, shame on me and you can disregard this challenge and go back to being awesome.  But I have a feeling I'm not alone.  It may not have the Colosseum or the Uffizi, but DC has a history, culture, and intrinsic value that puts it on par with some of the greats.  Go remind yourself.  It'll be worth it.

In the meantime, I'll be watching Passport to Europe, No Reservations, and engaging in other metaphorical acts of self-flagellation.

Eh...I've seen better...

Today was VATICAN DAY!  (kind of like "Field Day" in Elementary School, except instead of running relay races and getting that eagerly-awaited popsicle, you walk through hall after hall of priceless art displays, visit, arguably, the greatest house of prayer in all of Catholicism, and spend the day engulfed in a warm cloud of holiness and divinity.)  Jai and I rocked His Popeness' domain for a good 6 hours...in that time, we snapped tons of pictures, saw some of the most incredible works of art we have ever encountered, and The Wife got pooped on by a pigeon.  All in all, a well-rounded day!  Capping off our honeymoon sightseeing with a quick romp to the Pantheon, we returned to the hotel a bit weary but enriched and satisfied (especially after stopping off for a double scoop of gelati).  For now, I'm off.  A big plate of pasta is calling my name from afar...

VATICAN!

Pile o' Rocks

Amidst scorching heat and throbbing feet, Jaime and I walked the ruins today.  Hot diggitty DAMN were they unreal.  The big ones we saw were the Forum, Palatine Hill, and the Colosseum.  Tip: if you're in Rome in August and planning on seeing the ruins...WAIT FOR A NICE CLOUDY DAY.  We are absolutely SPENT, through and through...thank you, Mr. Sun.  Take your evil rays a-packin', vicious dispensor of heat and...um....causer...of...unfortunate amounts of sweat!!

Rome to date

Best of Flo'!

Was slightly disenchanted when we arrived from Venice. After all, how do you follow up romantic side street canals and opera-singing gondoliers?? The answer: with beautiful pieces of art, master-crafted sculpture, and multiple glasses of palate-tickling chianti :) Florence, well done, m'lady.

Flo' Pics

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Venezia Picturinos

(Disclaimer: "Picturinos" may not, in fact, be a real word in Italian. Or any language. Real or fake.)

Updated pics from Venice: http://s104.photobucket.com/albums/m194/jasonf44/Honeymoon%202010


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Best of Venice!

Ahhh, Venezia...how we will miss you :) This maze of a city has a magic and mystique about it that will stay with us for a long time after departing. It's understandable that the natives are often frustrated by the tourists; unlike other European cities, there is no real "tourist" area in Venice...the whole city is the tourist area! Resident homes are located right next to the biggest and most awe-inspiring sites the city has to offer. To escape the tourism is, perhaps, to go to the mainland. But, then, what Venetian in their right mind would leave such an amazing place. The grand canal winds its way through the city like a snake, branching off into the neighborhoods' smaller waterways. The streets are predominantly the equivalent of alleyways in the States and can be VERY confusing, especially at night. I have an immense respect for anyone who walks around without a map and actually knows how to get from A to B...props, my Venetian brothers, surious props.

All in all, a breathtaking few days in Venice. Florence, all I gotta say is you have some damn big shoes to fill. Arrivederci, ciao!!

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Best of Vienna!

Saw Mozart's house. 'Nuff said.

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Best of Praha!

Saw a castle, did a synagogue crawl, and had some beer cheese. Damn I love Prague.

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Best of Amsterdam

Amsterdam...birthplace of the ol' adage "that goes together like pot and prostitutes!.."

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Pragueward, hoooooo!

Great few days in Amsterdam. What seemed at first to be a completely wild, untamed, intimidating city now feels like a manageable, comfortable place to live/visit. With the everpresent odor of hers truly, Mary Jane, wafting through the air, of course.

But, the time has come to move eastward toward that magical land of Praha, as the kids call it. We're taking an overnight sleeper train, which should be interesting, to say the least. I told Jaime I feel just like Tony Curtis in "Some Like It Hot"...except without the whole crossdressing thing. Of course, the day is still young...

Updated 'Dam pics - http://s104.photobucket.com/albums/m194/jasonf44/Honeymoon%202010 (will have to cut and paste this one till i get to a computer. Hopefully this will work...having issues with my pic posting recently. They might be wildly out of order and possibly include some from Prague and Vienna...not sure yet. Again, I blame her
Majesty the Queen. Respectfully, of course).

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We came, we saw, we FRINGED!

Edinburgh was an incredible stop on our journey...partly because of the incomparable Fringe Festival taking place, partly because it is home to a medieval castle on a hill, and partly because it is just freakin' cool, holmes. Eddie, we will miss you!

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Goodbye Glasgow...Hello Edinburgh!

A lil' "Best of" vid I threw together QUICKLY summing up our first stop. Literally has taken days to upload this mother. No music this time...baby steps... Enjoy!

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