The iPhone 4 (aka Sweet Mother of Ridiculousness)

 The iPhone 4 takes its first steps on American soil this Thursday amidst ridiculous hype and even more ridiculous pre-sale setbacks, including massive website failures and eager potential customers finding their order was canceled...wait for it...AFTER RECEIVING CONFIRMATION!  But, even surpassing that ridiculousness is how ridiculously excited I am to get mine.  Seriously...it's almost troubling.  Never having had a phone that has the capability to do more than take a grainy picture, serve as a second alarm clock and, of course, field the occasional phone call, I am beside myself with child-like giddiness over ordering Apple's newest moneymaker.  I'm even thinking of buying a whole slew of black mock turtle necks and New Balances just to ensure I get the full Steve Jobs experience...I mean, look how happy HE IS with the new iPhone!! (oh, yeah, and being a multi-billionaire...almost forgot).


It's almost intimidating how much more advanced the technology is that I will soon be using as compared to that of my current phone.  Relative to the iPhone 4, my innocent little Nokia is the technological equivalent of a mortar and pestle.  A really, REALLY out-of-date mortar and pestle.  Like...the FIRST mortar and pestle ever made, when mortar and pestle technology was still vastly underdeveloped and the mortar and pestle R&D team was called in, out of the blue, to present their progress to the CEO and, in desperation, they demonstrated their rinky dink prototype which was then, unexpectedly, selected for production and sold to the public.  You get my point.  The new iPhone will definitely be cause for change.  Now that I'll be a big, bad smartphone user, I gather I'll have to start using words like "apps" and checking my email while answering the call of nature.  Anyone else just get the shivers?

However, I promise you this:  I will NOT become an Apple fanboy.  I will NOT start secretly cursing Microsoft's existence every time I hear the Windows opening theme.  I will NOT hold a voodooish, curse-ridden ritual sacrifice on Bill Gates' birthday (though I am still rather bitter over never hearing back from Mr. Gates after explaining to him, in a well-written letter, the many benefits he and his company would realize from financially backing my law school career).


Gird your loins, World...JFro is about to enter the 21st century.  And when I do, this is the first app I will purchase: