Donut-Eating Motherf...

Cops are necessary , like it or not.  People are dumb, people are mean; cops are there (in theory) to provide bumpers to the bowling lanes that are our lives.  The fact that they usually roll up swinging their giant, oversized wangs is a different story--we need them around until our society evolves to one more like, I dunno, Hobbits' (eat, drink, smile, pass out, repeat).

But one police tendency that really grinds my gears is when a cop pulls over a speeder on a heavily-trafficked road with no shoulders.  Like, I dunno, THIS MORNING.  Driving to work, I pulled onto the same three-lane road I traverse daily when I hit (metaphorically) an unexpectedly thick wall of traffic.  Immediately, I figured someone had gotten into an accident.  And, naturally, the first things to pop into my head were the usual thoughts of frustration and disdain at those who caused the backup, hoping their car was crushed to an unintelligible flaming pulp (but, of course, that everyone involved in the accident escaped unscathed--I'm not that evil...).  So it only added fuel to the fire when I got close enough to see it was not, in fact, an accident, but some selfish, unthinking, mindless, cruller-face with a badge and a gun who had, in their INFINITE wisdom, pulled someone over in the middle of the morning rush, a mere 100 feet from an intersection from which they could have turned off and not disrupted my commute.

But, nay, why not just stop in the middle of a main road??  Let's just cause more backup and raise the potential for accidents by performing a procedure designed to make the road safer in the STUPIDEST way possible.  Cop, I understand that you felt the need to add some excitement to your otherwise uneventful morning by pulling someone over who was probably going 5 mph over the limit...but c'mon, man!  Use your brain!!  While there is, undoubtedly, a reason you're on the beat instead of doing some awesome Law&Order-type stuff, I'm pretty sure that, in the mental battle of "should I cause a lot of unnecessary traffic OR direct the car I'm pulling over to turn off at the next cross street?" you have the ability to make the logical choice.  I guarantee you, the extra 20 seconds would not have taken away from the time you normally devote to driving while talking on your cell phone, playing on your laptop, or scratching yourself.  Really, no skin off your back...

Thank you, Officer Einstein, for burning 10 minutes of my life.  I'll be sure to remember this next time I'm solicited by your fraternal order.

PS - Spell check did not recognize "wangs."  Unacceptable, Google...just unacceptable.

The Morning Grind

HAAAAAAAATE IT.  Just hate it.  When you're about to turn onto the main road of your commute and you juuuuuust miss that great window of opportunity where you could have been the only one on the road, coasting along at a nice, safe, speedy clip, facilitating an early (or, at the very least, on-time) arrival at your destination...free of stress, anxiety, and road rage...

But, no.  You miss the window and now have to wait for a line of cars, 20 strong, all driven by low-riding blue-haired grannies who'd rather kill their own precious grandchildren than dare press their damned, discolored, orthopaedic shoes down on that FREAKIN' GAS PEDAL any harder!!  WHY???  Why won't you drive faster, Ethel????  Does it make your dentures vibrate uncomfortably???   ARE YOU AFRAID YOU MIGHT, IN THE UNTHINKABLE SCENARIO IN WHICH YOU ACTUALLY HIT 27 MPH,  CAREEN OFF THE ROAD INTO AN ERRANT DITCH WHERE YOUR CAR WILL BURST INTO FLAMES, IGNITING BOTH YOUR CURLER-LADEN MOP AND FLUORESCENT, BIRD-PATTERNED MUUMUU??  WHY??!?!!!

As you may have guessed, I missed my window this morning.  I started thinking of all the external forces that resulted in my morning commute being so abruptly halted--naturally, I couldn't have caused such a disturbance.  The list was pretty impressive: I killed 17 seconds cleaning up a small spilth of milk because of a defective container (thanks, CostCo); burnt another 11 seconds taking care of a spider that, if left unchecked, would have undoubtedly multiplied throughout the day, devouring the house and everyone inside; wasted 7 extra seconds locking the front door (I just don't see the necessity when other people are home and you don't live in the projects...but rules are rules)--the list went on.  After totalling everything up, I figured out that, had I not had to devote all of those precious seconds on menial tasks, I could have easily avoided the missed-window situation entirely.  Which made me even more roadrageous (new word, write it down).

I will say, though...commute-related frustrations, aside...it was pretty cool to look up into the sky this morning and see this:

Happy Friday, everyone :)