Foxy

The Wife thinks that Sam Trammell from True Blood looks like the Car Fox...you be the judge.

Uch, just SO good...

A power ballad, the might of which is only bested by the 80s-awesomeness of its video...

Ladies and gentlemen, When You Close Your Eyes by NIGHT RANGER.

Beernorah

Great googily moogily!  Apparently someone who shares my love of both craft beer and the Festival of Lights made this latkelicious menorah.  Shmaltz Brewing Company (the makers of HE'BREW) pump out some good suds, if you've never tried them.  And, apparently, their bottles make for great candlesticks.  Anyway, just thought it was cool--not to mention wonderfully inappropriate that there's a little kid behind looking in awe.  That's right, Mom and Dad, start 'em young.

Now You're A Man!

Just because.

MIXED BAG: Vampires/Tea Bagging/Almost Famous Edition

This weekend I bore witness to the newest installment of the Twilight series, Breaking Dawn Pt. 1.  No, I didn't go willingly; I was stealthy guilted into it by my Wife, who's birthday was this weekend and who definitely used it against me (rest assured, husbands of the world...she will suffer greatly.  I will see it done).  Now, I'm not in the business of baseless disparagement...so, luckily, this next comment comes with a great deal of factual foundation: THE TWILIGHT MOVIES ARE SO, SO, SO, DOUBLE-SO BAD.  Watching them makes me sink into a state of awed, depressive frustration so much so that I have to consciously remind myself that people--not to mention my perception of modern day vampires--are not actually that ridiculous, lest I walk out of the movie theatre and impale myself on the nearest rusty spike.

Now, I will admit--and please know I say this with immeasurable amounts of self-loathing--that having seen the rest of the series, this installment is by far the best.  But understand that this doesn't speak to the greatness of this particular movie, rather the inaneness of the others.  The acting--to use the term loosely--is only debased by the scripting (oy vey) which, in turn, suffers at the hand of some seriously contrived plot lines.  Each movie is 90+ minutes of eye and ear-burning pain; basically, it is the cinematic equivalent of being tied to a chair while someone who just ate their weight in Chipotle farts into a ziplock bag and then fastens it, securely, over your head.

Moving on: The 2011 Video Game Awards.  Awesomeness.  Dorky and wonderful all at the same time.  Even if you're not a fan of video games--and for that, by the way, you should be cast into a fiery, Balrog-infested chasm--the annual VGAs are pretty damn entertaining.  Especially with this year's inclusion of a new notification system for when a winner's speech has gone on too long (see below).  Props to Bethesda Game Studio's The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim for taking home the Game Of The Year award.  Just thought I'd share

Finally, saw Kaleigh Baker live at Naks by the Tracks in Exeter, PA.  If any of you have the opportunity to see her, DO IT...she is phenomenal.  And the sax player that accompanied her was equally as stirring (ach, sorry, my man...don't remember your name!)  It was pretty outstanding, though...his saxamaphoning provided a perfect harmony to her Janis-like vocals.  And the intimate, smoky bar setting couldn't have been a more perfect venue.  Check her out...she is big-time talent.

Sam Adams' Utopias aka How I Spent My 401k

Sounds WAY too good to pass up.  Except that it's monster expensive.  I'll just sit here and salivate for now...

http://thefullpint.com/beer-reviews/samuel-adams-utopias?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Thefullpintcom+%28thefullpint.com+-+Beer+News%2C+Reviews+and+Event+Coverage%29

The SECOND most important reason you shouldn't have sex with animals...

(**not going to address the 2-month hiatus...just going to continue on like it never happened**)

You know me, I hate to be a party pooper.  But, yes, it pains me--literally--to report that a new study has confirmed that doing the wild monkey dance with, well, actual monkeys, for example, can lead to penis cancer.  No longer is bestiality frowned-upon from simply a moral standpoint, but now there are health-related repercussions.  Which, of course, takes ALL the fun out of it.  What sort of cruel trick is this, lord??  You put these animals on this earth--lookin' all sexy and whatnot, grazing on grass and eatin' slop and poopin' all over the place--and then throw THIS udderly horrible consequence into the mix?!  Wow, NOT cool.

So, sorry, gents...if you didn't have enough reason before not to hump up on Gertrude-the-unassuming-sheep, now's the time to put away those velcro gloves and peanut butter and concentrate on human-only romantic conquests.  Realizing, though, that some men just won't be satisfied by your average human female sexual encounter, I have populated a list of...add-ons, if you will, that might make the transition to homo-sapien love-making that much smoother:

1) Fill your bed with hay and flies

2) While in the act, have your mate chew on some cud

3) Do it in a field (preferably with a dirty ol' farmer watching from his window)

4) Find a way to integrate a saddle and, if at all possible, a brand iron

5) Replace "oh yeah, baby" and "mmmmmm" with "MOOOOO!" and that "hee-haw" sound a donkey makes that, coincidentally, sounds just like Forrest Gump's Mom in that scene where she's proving to the principal she's willing to "do all she can for her son's education."

Give them a try, ya know, how could it hurt? (Well, admittedly, #4 could hurt...)  But, desperate times call for desperate measures.  And, up against the risk of penis cancer, these options might be the only safe way to sooth that savage call-of-the-wild that exists within every man.

Not a sermon, just a thought.  Moo.

What Happens When Beer and Technology Make Babies

Dogfish Head and Google--an unlikely pairing and, yet, similar in creativity and innovation--have teamed up to make a beer who's mystery is only exceeded by its power (...where's your car, dude?).  The new brew, URKontinent, will consist of:

Pilsner, Munich and Chocolate Malts and Belgian Dark Candi syrup. Then we add unique ingredients from around the world. Wattleseed from Australia imparts a chocolate, coffee, and hazelnut taste to the beer. Toasted Amaranth from South America gives it an earthy, grainy flavor and a little additional roast flavor. Green Rooibos from Africa contributes a floral aroma and slight astringency. Myrica Gale from Europe supplements the bitterness from minimal hopping. Hive Plex Honey from California adds a subtle sweetness while maintaining the dry finish.

What's next, an app that let's you sample the suds via your smartphone?  (sorry, Android, you're cool...but not THAT cool :) )

http://phandroid.com/2011/09/30/google-teams-up-with-dogfish-head-for-the-nexus-of-beers-urkontinent/

Reality hits you hard, bro!

Keanu would be proud.  Whoaaaa! (think Bill & Ted).  Can we find this guy and party with him???  Only if he wears his hat, though.

And, btw, this is REAL.