Let's Hug It Out, Boss.



Seriously...who wants a hug?

Today is National Hug Your Boss Day.  I'm not sure who invented this...special? day, but I'm gonna place bets that it wasn't a boss.  I mean, while office mates are often friends, public displays of affection are typically frowned upon in the workplace.  After all, a hug isn't just a simple handshake/highfive/fistbump... hugging is some serious bodily interaction.  I mean, we're talkin' chest-to-chest friction here, people--that's an intimate maneuver often reserved for family, close friends, those with whom you just shared a traumatic experience, and the occasional stripper.  This whole concept is just asking for trouble...and, more importantly, extreme awkwardness.

I've grouped the people who will hug their boss today into the following categories and included their RAL (Relative Awkward Level, 1-100) Score--see where you fit in:

A) The Overenthusiastic Hugger -- This is the employee who is really excited about NHYBD (National Hug Your Boss Day).  I mean...really excited.  Like, they were the first one to remind you about NHYBD...last week.  They'll jump on the boss first chance they get, taking the boss off-guard and forcing them to immediately assess the situation, let out a "Whoa!" with an uncomfortable, acquiescing laugh, and hug back politely.  RAL: 72

B) The Reluctant Hugger -- You know who this person is.  The timid guy/gal.  The one who buries themselves in their cubicle and only emerges to answer nature's call and at closing time.  They don't "get" when the boss is being sarcastic in telling them they'll need to come in on Saturday AND Sunday until it is later explained to them.  The Reluctant Hugger wants to hug the boss, but is afraid.  They will, upon learning of NHYBD, approach the boss as if they were about to enter the Octagon with a drunk and disgruntled Ken Shamrock, extend their arms slightly, and raise their shoulders/eyebrows in question just enough to warrant the boss walking over and returning the hug.  Very unnatural.  RAL: 49

C) The Joking-and-later-Regretful Hugger -- my personal favorite.  This involves the office clown; the guy who's always cracking--and usually laughing at--his own jokes (and, yes, more often than not, this one will be a guy).  This joker is the king of the famous "handshake invite retraction surprise" whereby one extends his arm for a handshake and then, when the subject reaches out, he whips his open hand up to the side of his head and goes, "HaHO! GOTcha!" and stands there grinning like an ass for 10 minutes.  Upon learning of NHYBD, he loudly announces, "Hey, it's National Hug Your Boss Day!!" and jokingly feigns giving the boss a hug..only be caught off guard by the boss (also, typically, in this situation, a man) who proceeds to lock the J.A.L.R. Hugger in a big ol' smelly manwich (usually accompanied by a hearty man-laugh, an audible "grrrrr," and transfer of shirt sweat).  At this point, the joker, visibly mortified that he's nipple jousting with his boss, begins to deeply regret his decision and is left standing there with a look of incredulity on his face as the rest of the office retreats back to their desk, equally traumatized.  RAL: 88

D) The Spiteful Hugger -- perhaps the least awkward of the hugging scenarios, but not unworthy of a mention.  This is the hugger who doesn't particularly like the boss, but wants to ensure their success in the company and, therefore, goes along with the boss' whims, wearing a phony smirk on their face and muttering insults behind the boss' back.  They consider themselves vastly-underpaid and are pretty sure they could do the boss' job better than the boss.  The Spiteful Hugger will go hug the boss...but they won't like it, damn it!  And they'll hug extra long and hard, too, just so the boss KNOWS they're the best hugger in the office and they should definitely get that raise come their next review.  In fact, in hugging so thoroughly, the Spiteful Hugger won't realize they've hugged for too long and the boss has already released his/her arms and relaxed their muscles, ready to move on.  By the time the Spiteful Hugger realizes they've overclung, it's already too late.  Awkward Turtle, anyone?  RAL: 35

Ladies and gentlemen, if there's one take-away from this post, it is this: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, ABSTAIN FROM HUGGING YOUR BOSS.  It'll save you and everyone around you an unnecessarily awkward moment.  If you need that kind of discomfort in your life, do what my brother did and watch Borat with your elderly, conservative, foreign-born grandparents.  But, on this National Hug Your Boss Day and all that come after, do the right thing: keep your subordinate hands to yourself!

Boobs and Cake

It's what's for dinner.

Bismillah, NO!

Pop quiz, hotshot: you're driving down the road and Bohemian Rhapsody comes on the radio...what do you do?

Tape yourself lip-syncing it, of course.  Duh.

In one nostril and out the other

I was noticeably congested at work this week and a colleague suggested I go out and buy a Neti Pot.  "What's a neddypahd?" I asked, having never before heard of...well...whatever it was she just said that I thought I misheard or was a word in another language.  WELL, my friends, for those of you who, like me, were Neti Pot-noobs up until this point, a Neti Pot is a mini-watering can you use to pour a warm saline solution into your schnoz.  It filters through your nasal cavity and pours out the nostril not in-use, all the while loosening up anything that's standing in the way of you breathing clearly.  It's like a nasal enema.

I decided I'd video review my first Neti Pot experience for all those out there who are thinking of trying it...and probably won't now having heard me refer to it as a nasal enema.  Actually watching it done is a little gross--ok, not for me, but for normal people, perhaps--but if you're curious as to how this thing works, please enjoy below!

DJANGO!

DAMN he is the MAN!!  I could listen to this all day long.  If you don't know who the great Django Reinhardt is, get thee to a Wikipedia!  Check out this vid for a sample of his genius:

Aww...c'mon, Anominimous!

Man, JUST when you think you know someone...

Anonymous, better known as "that group that tries to bring down Scientology while wearing cool Guy Fawkes masks...and by the way, V for Vendetta was a good movie...haters...," is threatening to target and kill a small social media site of which you may have heard: Facebook.  The hacktivist group has a handful of E-takedowns to its name and plans to launch their Zuckerbergian assault on Nov. 5, 2011.  Click HERE FOR THE FULL STORY thanks to our good friends at HuffPost.

C'mon, Anons, can't we all just get along??  It's one thing to try to stop a group of Xenu-worshipping, Thetanophobes from assimilating all life on earth and beyond...but it's another to mess with my Wall!!  If I wake up on Nov. 5 and can't post a status message to 400 friends I haven't talked to, directly, in years, I will SERIOUSLY consider renewing my membership to the Tom Cruise fan club...just sayin'...

Zombie 5K??!!

Amazing.  Anyone else in?  C'mon...an obstacle course throughout which you're chased by brain-eating zombies??  There's no other answer but "yes."

http://runforyourlives.com/info/how-it-works/

Dogfish Head 120 Min IPA Review (from TheFullPint.com)

This beer punches you in the face.  And then steps on your soul.  In an awesome way.

http://thefullpint.com/beer-reviews/dogfish-head-120-minute-ipa

What Would You Do - Cash for Digits

Was wondering the other day...how much money would you need to justify losing a toe?  You can pick the toe.  I'd probably lose my middle toe for $25k.

Let me know.

Not my foot.  My foot is much prettier.

I'm on a boat

Friend of a friend is throwing a nautically-inclined shindig this Saturday to promote his record label.  I dunno--record company...deck party...sounds cool...

http://taflaun.com/music-meets-fashion/

I'll be out of town, but send pictures to jfroonline@gmail.com and I'll post 'em up!  I'm on a boooooooooooat!

Grilled Cheese Martini. Yup, you heard right.

Rarely am I so intrigued, scared, and perplexed at the same time.  In this instance, it's due to America's newest libation creation, the Grilled Cheese Martini.  Thanks, Urbandaddy.com NY!

Caine v. Caine

Absolutely brilliant.

Catoctin Creek UPDATE

Naturally, this happens JUST after we visit...
**********************************************

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

Purcellville, Virginia – Catoctin Creek Distilling Company today began offering tastings at their Purcellville, Virginia distillery store in compliance with Virginia state law (section 4.1-119.G) which was approved in the 2010 session (HB 952). Tastings will be offered at scheduled and pre-arranged times, a listing of which are available on the company web site.

"Tastings will become an important part of our business at the distillery store," said co-founder and Vice President Scott Harris. "Along with the recent change allowing us to have a store, and now this ability to offer tastings, we're really able to fully serve our customers looking to try, and then potentially buy, our local-made spirits."

By Virginia law, tastings are limited to no more than three half-ounce samples per person. For more information on tours and tastings, please see the company web site (below).

Catoctin Creek Distilling Company is the first distillery in Loudoun County Virginia since before prohibition. Certified organic and kosher, Catoctin Creek produces high quality spirits and liqueurs: rye whisky and gin from organic sources, brandy from Virginia wines, and seasonal specialty liqueurs. At Catoctin Creek, high quality and organic spirits and liqueurs are our passion. For more information, contact us at www.catoctincreek.com or 37251C East Richardson Lane, Purcellville, VA 20132. Tel: 540-751-8404.

Buffettpalooza 2011!

This year, in lieu of our annual trek to Nissan Pavilion (and, yes, I do refuse to call it Jiffy Lube Live) to see Jimmy Buffett in all of his cheeseburger-laden, parroty goodness, we are holding the first ever Buffettpalooza 2011!  We finally unloaded our tickets after accepting the fact that the new anti-tailgating policy is here to stay and being enforced ad nauseam (stories range from concert goers getting citations for not pouring out their drinks fast enough to a pregnant lady being harassed for wanting to sit in an air conditioned car).  This aggression will not stand, man!  And, so, Buffettpalooza was born.

It's one part protest, one part celebration, and one part good ol' American backyard b-b-q goodness.  It's like...I dunno...stickin' it to the man while taking a kegstand in a Hawaiian shirt and lei (ok, perhaps it not like that...it's exactly that).  We'll be spending the day exalting he who is Buffett, and later listening to the concert in real time care of Jimmy's very own Radio Margaritaville, while sending vibes of pure scorn and wrath to those who are responsible for instituting this ridiculous, greed-fueled, oppressive anti-FUN policy!

And so, I hereby dub the fourth Saturday of August, this year and hereafter, BUFFETTPALOOZA!  

Join me and my crew in celebrating all that is Buffett and NOTHING that is JLL by throwing a bash of volcanic proportions!  Recommended ingredients include b-b-q, beer and boat drinks, drinking games, general absurdity/debauchery/tomfoolery/shenanigans...and, most importantly, a shared recognition that Buffett is meant to be enjoyed freely and openly!  Start planning your Buffettpaloozas now and make sure you have the necessary accoutrement to listen to the show on Radio Margaritaville via the Intertubes or Sirius radio as it happens!

I hope this post inspires you to share in the festivities and have a Buffettpalooza of your own.  Please, send stories and pictures (jfroonline@gmail.com) and I'll do my part to keep the nation...nay...the WORLD posted on how Buffett fans, no matter what kind of absurd policy is put up against them, will always keep their FINS UP!

Catoctin Creek Distillery/DC Brau Review

(Lil' overdue, but better late than never, right?)

The Wife and I, passports in tow, drove out to Purcellville, VA to visit the Catoctin Creek Distillery a few weeks ago.  We'd heard it was Kosher-certified; that, alone, was enough to warrant a detour on our trip out to Harper's Ferry (where, btw, one should NOT camp in the RiverRiders campsite...unless you like the experience of camping while an earthquake-inducing train choochoos by 13-15 times in a 24-hour period).  When we arrived, we were a little wary by it's rather nondescript storefront in an industrial park...however, our skepticism was soon put at ease when the co-owner, Scott, invited us in and gave us a great tour of his very charming lil' distillery.

Founded in 2009, this young distillery regularly cranks out three different spirits (Roundstone Rye, Watershed Gin, and Mosby's Spirit) along with the occasional brandy and liqueur.  After our tour (which, alone, was worth the drive, folks...Scott is very knowledgeable about the distillation process, keeps your interest, and is an all-around nice guy), we drove 5 minutes down the road to Magnolia's At The Mill for a tasting.  We started with Mosby's Spirit, a "white whiskey" (i.e. legal moonshine).  Great fruity nose with a nice bready balance on the tongue and a surprisingly smooth finish as to what we anticipated.  Next in line was the Watershed Gin which, imbibed neat, had a bit more bite than we expected but would undoubtedly make for a great Tonic Engine, as I like to call it (thanks, Billy Joel), with it's well-balanced Juniper notes and other organic botanicals.  The Roundstone Rye was our third and final dram and went down nice and smooth, with the biggest rye taste of any whiskey I've ever had--in a good way.  Would REALLY like to try it in a Manhattan, which the folks at Magnolia's highly recommend.  But, since it was 1130am and we had a bit of a drive ahead, I decided to keep it "to the sips," as it were.

All in all, a great experience with the Catoctin Creek Distilling Company...and, btw, they have their own APP...how sweet is that?

Now, skipping forward a week, we heard about a new craft brewery in DC called DC Brau...naturally, we had to visit.  This proved to be quite a difficult endeavor, as this north-east DC brewery is harder to find than a pro-choice Republican in Mississippi.  There are no signs as you approach its location 'round back of a big post office building.  But, we managed to navigate our way to the entrance and were pleasantly surprised when we entered the building to find a legit brewery, replete with DC Brau signage, paraphernalia, and best of all, FREE TASTES!  Offered for sampling were two of their big brews, The Corruption (American IPA) and The Public Ale (American Pale Ale).  

If you are a serious hophead, The Corruption is right up your alley, with a big citrusy, piney hop factor and the expected, lingering, bitter finish.  The Public was a bit more relaxed, retaining a very present hop character but smoothed over with caramel notes and an overall medium body.  Definitely two big contenders in the local craft brew scene.

We took a quick tour of the site, led by bearded DC Brau co-owner, Brandon, and were surprised when we saw two Catoctin Creek Distillery barrels sitting against a wall.  Brandon informed us--if memory serves--that they were being prepped for later reintroduction to one of their brews.  Excitedly, I blurted out, "Catoctin Creek??  We were just there!!"...at which point the rest of the tour-goers turned to look at the moron in their midst.  Unnecessary exclamations aside, the DC Brau tour/tasting was worth the drive and we're excited to watch their popularity grow throughout the Greater Metro DC area and beyond.

If you need any guinea pigs for future brew-tasting, DC Brau-folk, please don't hesitate to reach out.  Same goes to you Catoctin Creekers.  FROBlog loves you both :D