Sounds WAY too good to pass up. Except that it's monster expensive. I'll just sit here and salivate for now...
http://thefullpint.com/beer-reviews/samuel-adams-utopias?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Thefullpintcom+%28thefullpint.com+-+Beer+News%2C+Reviews+and+Event+Coverage%29
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Saturday, November 26, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
The SECOND most important reason you shouldn't have sex with animals...
(**not going to address the 2-month hiatus...just going to continue on like it never happened**)
You know me, I hate to be a party pooper. But, yes, it pains me--literally--to report that a new study has confirmed that doing the wild monkey dance with, well, actual monkeys, for example, can lead to penis cancer. No longer is bestiality frowned-upon from simply a moral standpoint, but now there are health-related repercussions. Which, of course, takes ALL the fun out of it. What sort of cruel trick is this, lord?? You put these animals on this earth--lookin' all sexy and whatnot, grazing on grass and eatin' slop and poopin' all over the place--and then throw THIS udderly horrible consequence into the mix?! Wow, NOT cool.
So, sorry, gents...if you didn't have enough reason before not to hump up on Gertrude-the-unassuming-sheep, now's the time to put away those velcro gloves and peanut butter and concentrate on human-only romantic conquests. Realizing, though, that some men just won't be satisfied by your average human female sexual encounter, I have populated a list of...add-ons, if you will, that might make the transition to homo-sapien love-making that much smoother:
1) Fill your bed with hay and flies
2) While in the act, have your mate chew on some cud
3) Do it in a field (preferably with a dirty ol' farmer watching from his window)
4) Find a way to integrate a saddle and, if at all possible, a brand iron
5) Replace "oh yeah, baby" and "mmmmmm" with "MOOOOO!" and that "hee-haw" sound a donkey makes that, coincidentally, sounds just like Forrest Gump's Mom in that scene where she's proving to the principal she's willing to "do all she can for her son's education."
Give them a try, ya know, how could it hurt? (Well, admittedly, #4 could hurt...) But, desperate times call for desperate measures. And, up against the risk of penis cancer, these options might be the only safe way to sooth that savage call-of-the-wild that exists within every man.
Not a sermon, just a thought. Moo.
You know me, I hate to be a party pooper. But, yes, it pains me--literally--to report that a new study has confirmed that doing the wild monkey dance with, well, actual monkeys, for example, can lead to penis cancer. No longer is bestiality frowned-upon from simply a moral standpoint, but now there are health-related repercussions. Which, of course, takes ALL the fun out of it. What sort of cruel trick is this, lord?? You put these animals on this earth--lookin' all sexy and whatnot, grazing on grass and eatin' slop and poopin' all over the place--and then throw THIS udderly horrible consequence into the mix?! Wow, NOT cool.
So, sorry, gents...if you didn't have enough reason before not to hump up on Gertrude-the-unassuming-sheep, now's the time to put away those velcro gloves and peanut butter and concentrate on human-only romantic conquests. Realizing, though, that some men just won't be satisfied by your average human female sexual encounter, I have populated a list of...add-ons, if you will, that might make the transition to homo-sapien love-making that much smoother:
1) Fill your bed with hay and flies
2) While in the act, have your mate chew on some cud3) Do it in a field (preferably with a dirty ol' farmer watching from his window)
4) Find a way to integrate a saddle and, if at all possible, a brand iron
5) Replace "oh yeah, baby" and "mmmmmm" with "MOOOOO!" and that "hee-haw" sound a donkey makes that, coincidentally, sounds just like Forrest Gump's Mom in that scene where she's proving to the principal she's willing to "do all she can for her son's education."
Give them a try, ya know, how could it hurt? (Well, admittedly, #4 could hurt...) But, desperate times call for desperate measures. And, up against the risk of penis cancer, these options might be the only safe way to sooth that savage call-of-the-wild that exists within every man.
Not a sermon, just a thought. Moo.
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