My Reebok Pumps did NOT do that!

THIS IS SIIIIIIIIIIIICK.  It's over 5 min long...but watch the whole thing.  It's unreal--this guy has got crazy talent.

And, at 4:13 your head actually explodes.

KISS MY GRITS!

Hot DAMN!  I just had my first grits experience...how long have these wonderful little things been around??  How long have I been ignorant of their awesomeness??  Admittedly, I had the Quaker Oats version...but, the "real" version (sorry, Mr. Quaker) can only be as good or better, right?

Might have to schedule a lil' trip down south just to get my grit on--who's with me?  A Grits Tour of the gulf region?  Yeah, boyee!

In honor of my newly-discovered love of grits, may it please the court:

(this clip isn't grit-related...just 10 min of MCV gold)

Donut-Eating Motherf...

Cops are necessary , like it or not.  People are dumb, people are mean; cops are there (in theory) to provide bumpers to the bowling lanes that are our lives.  The fact that they usually roll up swinging their giant, oversized wangs is a different story--we need them around until our society evolves to one more like, I dunno, Hobbits' (eat, drink, smile, pass out, repeat).

But one police tendency that really grinds my gears is when a cop pulls over a speeder on a heavily-trafficked road with no shoulders.  Like, I dunno, THIS MORNING.  Driving to work, I pulled onto the same three-lane road I traverse daily when I hit (metaphorically) an unexpectedly thick wall of traffic.  Immediately, I figured someone had gotten into an accident.  And, naturally, the first things to pop into my head were the usual thoughts of frustration and disdain at those who caused the backup, hoping their car was crushed to an unintelligible flaming pulp (but, of course, that everyone involved in the accident escaped unscathed--I'm not that evil...).  So it only added fuel to the fire when I got close enough to see it was not, in fact, an accident, but some selfish, unthinking, mindless, cruller-face with a badge and a gun who had, in their INFINITE wisdom, pulled someone over in the middle of the morning rush, a mere 100 feet from an intersection from which they could have turned off and not disrupted my commute.

But, nay, why not just stop in the middle of a main road??  Let's just cause more backup and raise the potential for accidents by performing a procedure designed to make the road safer in the STUPIDEST way possible.  Cop, I understand that you felt the need to add some excitement to your otherwise uneventful morning by pulling someone over who was probably going 5 mph over the limit...but c'mon, man!  Use your brain!!  While there is, undoubtedly, a reason you're on the beat instead of doing some awesome Law&Order-type stuff, I'm pretty sure that, in the mental battle of "should I cause a lot of unnecessary traffic OR direct the car I'm pulling over to turn off at the next cross street?" you have the ability to make the logical choice.  I guarantee you, the extra 20 seconds would not have taken away from the time you normally devote to driving while talking on your cell phone, playing on your laptop, or scratching yourself.  Really, no skin off your back...

Thank you, Officer Einstein, for burning 10 minutes of my life.  I'll be sure to remember this next time I'm solicited by your fraternal order.

PS - Spell check did not recognize "wangs."  Unacceptable, Google...just unacceptable.

A Cuban Intrusion

Mark Cuban recently underwent a procedure dreaded by men everywhere but VERY important in preventing cancer and getting all kinds of crazy paraphernalia out of your tubes, ya freakin' garbage disposal, ya.  I thought it was an interesting, entertaining post that dispelled some of the myths associated with colonoscopies (i.e. they hurt, they're scary, they don't buy you dinner first) and decided to feature it as my first guest post--albeit unbeknownst to Mr. Cuban.  Mr. Cuban, thanks for the unintentional contribution...I'd love to sit down for a FROBlog interview and cigar whenever you have a free minute :)

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My Colonoscopy

Jun 14th 2007 11:20AM

I usually don’t talk about personal issues, but I thought this was important to share.

I’m getting to that age where it pays to be proactive and start getting tested for the myriad of things that can go wrong with my body. One of the things I wanted to get over with is a check for colon cancer. Although I’m officially younger than the “suggested age” for a colonoscopy, I wanted to get it out of the way. I had read and heard too many stories about people who found polyps and how if “they had only caught them a little sooner” it would be no big deal to remove them. So I set my appointment and went for it.

Like every guy, the thought of being violated by a long tube is at the very bottom of the list of things I want to do on a summer day. I could live with having to take all the laxatives that lead up to the procedure, That’s just more time to get my reading done. But the tube up the outdoor, that’s scary.

Well this morning was the morning. I had officially lost 4 pounds to the laxative over the past 24 hours and was surprisingly not hungry after going without food for the past 24 hours as I got to the hospital at the prime time of 7am.

I was definitely nervous. Despite doctors and nurses telling me it would be a breeze, I was naturally skeptical.
A breeze was an overstatement. I can honestly say that if it made medical sense to get one done every year, i would have no problem with it. It was easy and breezy.

Once I got into the Gastro Room where they did these, they told me that they were going to knock me out, and I would get a nap and wake up like nothing happened . They were right. One minute Im talking rugby, the next I’m waking up, picking up the conversation where I left off and being told to “dispell the air in my system”.

No where else can you rip off some huge farts and have 3 nurses and a doctor, while maintaining a very professional demeanor, tell you that you aren’t done yet and demand that you let loose a few more. Then it was up to get dressed and out the door so my wife could give me a ride home.

Now, about an hour later I’m obviously back at it.

I’m writing this post because I hated the fact that I was afraid of getting a colonoscopy. It honestly scared me. I don’t like hospitals. I don’t like entries into exit lanes and its scary as shit that they could find something. In other words I was a pussy when I shouldn’t have been.

Bottomline is that your life just might depend on getting tested for colon cancer. There is absolutely nothing to be afraid of. It's truly easy and breezy. Do it.

Those with insulated upper lips, lend me your ears!!

Moustachioed brethren, hear me now!! (or rather, just see below) 

There's a casting call going on for those sporting lip ticklers and soup strainers of all kinds...and the deadline is this Wednesday (the 7th).  If you're currently 'stached or have sported some lip plumage in the past, send pictures to the email address listed below and maybe YOU will be selected to be featured in a national commercial!

KANKLES!!!!

Sweet Mary Mother of God.  Who let these kankles out of their cage?  They're GLORIOUS!

The MD Renaissance Festival plays host to many an
enlarged body part...often to the detriment of those with working eyeballs.